I heard a story once about a man who had gone to the grocery store and when he was walking out of those double doors pushing his cart, he heard a familiar voice behind him call out his name “Hey Chet!” The man turned around only to find his old friend from working years at an automotive plant. As they stood and talked for a few minutes catching up on a few years of what has been happening in their lives Chet had to make a quick decision. Should he, could he tell his friend what had happened to his son Daniel this past year? Chet quickly ran through each and every time he was with his friend and if he was trustworthy or even had the ability to understand. It took a few minutes. When his friend told him about his wife beating cancer Chet made his decision to share.
You see, Chet was holding on to a pain so deep he himself had a hard time expressing it. Not only did Chet feel the emotional pain of losing his son but how it had happened had left shame and hurt into his very core. He and his wife never spoke of Daniel as they danced around the subject while in conversation because the reality of it was too harsh. Obviously, their marriage had turned into a numb array of underlying anguish.
Chet looked his friend in the eye and said “My son Daniel…he…passed away this past year, October, in fact.” His friend stopped in his tracks. Seeing the pain in his friends eyes, he carefully told him how sorry he was and gave him a handshake with a half of a hug, as men do. Chet was relieved that his friend did not ask how Daniel had died. After saying a quick “good-bye” the two old friends parted their ways. Chet went to his car and put the groceries into his truck, got into his car and turned the key…when he did so, all of the pent up emotion of the past year which had started as a painful lump in his throat and burst into an uncontrollable sob. It was the first time he allowed himself to physically, emotionally and openly grieve. Chet drove to a secluded area and let it all out. His son had committed suicide and Chet wanted some answers.
When Chet finally made it home his wife, Sue, saw that he was physically shaken. Chet looked at his wife and without a second through he grabbed onto her and wept in her arms. “I miss him, I miss him, why did it he it?” It was the beginning of a long road to healing for the couple but it was a lifesaver to Chet as he may have become very ill in some part of his body if he hadn’t finally let out the emotion of losing his son to suicide.
Suicide has become epidemic. There are many Chet’s walking around who need to vent their feelings. There are support groups out there for loved ones who have been “left behind” so to speak and try to make heads or tails out of what had happened. If you or your family are feeling the affects of a loved ones suicide remember some important notes: He or she were in tunnel vision during the time they were suicidal. This means that he or she could not look to the right or left to see how it may affect the family because there was a mental block in their minds and they could see no other way out at the time. Remember also, you are not to blame. When someone decides to commit the act of suicide it was and is their choice and nobody elses. You may never understand or have an answer to your “why?” but God knows your heart and the Bible says that God is close to the broken hearted. Many people blame God for what has happened during their time of anger at injustice. The truth is that God loves you and He can carry you through even the worst storm in life, including a loved one’s suicide. I will never even pretend to be able to help you with your emotional journey in a case such as this; but, I know the God who can.